What is going on? We dont know anymore. And the fact that we were strangers to begin with makes it worst. What are we doing? Why are we like this? Why cant we just adapt and live? Why the fuck is everything getting so hard?
Distance. Something that can tear us apart. Something so fearful to some. We can live right next to each others yet have such different lives until we never collide. How did we get this far? I feel like a cat in the big sea. Drowning. Afraid of the water surrounding me. Buf I act like the big fish. Pretending to swim and float. All smiles and eager. I know I am nothing more than a cat. Drifting further and further away from you. The shore. The dry land. My safety. Dont turn your back on me. I need you.
Idk if you, readers, could understand me. I dont know if anyone could even if I tried explaining to you face to face. I'd just end up looking at you, smiling like I always would, say "i dont know lah.", shrug and make faces to convince you I'm ok. That he and I are okay. Happy. Joyous. Retarded. Yes, we reach stars whenever we're in each others grasps. But these days? I admit it's my fault. With the loss of my SIM card and not getting it asap due to my constant date with the books thanks to trials & the actual PMR being so near. He knows it. How busy I am. But it drives me crazy when I pick up the house phone to have a nice conversation with him, and he just sits there. Quiet.
Silence. That's another thing. When so many has happened and at the end of the day, you just wanna pick up the phone, dial up that 10 digit which you know by heart and just blab and blab and blab. Stopping once in a while to hear his comments and continue to blab and blab and blab. After moving to the apartment and having to share a room with your sister, killed the routine. So you text. Text and text and text. Once the phone's been taken away, you turn to the next best thing: internet. Slowly, everything quiets down. As much as you want to scream, the silence stabs you. You know less about each other. And this annoys the both of you. Youre cluless. Stunned. With alll these questions in your mind. Then you know, the only way to save the relationship is
Tolerance & Trust. Of course, you need that spark of excitement, the teasings, and essentially, love. But what glues you together are these two ingrediants. I know you might think it's ridiculous for a 15 year old to speak so much about this but Idk, it comes naturally to me. I've grown an understanding that to make things work, both parties need to accept the flaws and give in. Idc how many girls chase after you because I trust you. After 17 months, how can I not? But I cant do this on my own.
I know this is a lot to ask for but never let go. So be strong for me. Be strong for us.
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