I love you, boo. You make me feel beautiful. :*

Warning: Contains self doubt.

Beauty.

People always say "If youre pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside, its really pointless." "It doesnt matter if youre ugly on the outside, what counts is the beauty on the inside." Bla bla bla.

Seeing a video about "What is Beautiful?" just kinda made me wonder a little bit. "A girl is beautiful when she is calm, collected and gentle." And honestly, I am none of the above. Barely even close. I feel so upset. Recalling all these names people call me. Yeah, I make jokes about myself. Make faces. Show my 3456864757b chins. Just making a fool out of myself. Probably the only way I cope with being ugly and just about everything else.

I hate being fat. I hate having this scar on my thigh. I hate having a kazillion chins. I hate feeling like a stupid low-esteemed whore. I know I'm better than this. But sometimes, being the only one to say "I'm beautiful." just makes me feel like shit when everyone is against that statement. I just have the worst personality ever. I'm so fucking twofaced. Act like a tough ass brick when I'm nothing more than a sheet of glass.

Sorry I'm throwing this unexpected bomb at you guys.

Dont worry, I'm fine. Blogging always makes me feel much, much, much better.

I just need to let it all out.

I love you, xo.

Take me in for who I am, change me to who you want to be.

I admit. I am a whore. I hug around and sit on guys laps. Going all "Who?" whenever the girls remind me of you.

Not anymore.
What goes around, comes around. It would hurt me to pieces to see another girl with you. So I will stop my whorish acts because you mean so much to me. Too much.

I cant change who you are and I gave my heart to you (: youre only given one shot cause I have less than one heart.

Trust me.
I will be a better girlfriend.
I love you.

^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALICIA ANG XIA YI! YOU DA BOMBBBBB. I LOVE YOU, BOO. YOU MAY BE DAMN MEAN IN YOUR SILENT WAYS BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE! XOXOXOXXOXOX

Love like this

Today was simply amazing. Relaxing. Chilling. Laughing throughout the day. I've never felt this much closer to my bestfriends than before.

We had a little therapy session. Couldnt hold in my tears. Neither did xia yi. Cried like a baby when we had our group hug. So emotional! Ilie was expressing her feelings and telling the boys why Pig and her never quite got there. You could feel her pain. How miserable she was. I've been there. I get you, boo. It sucks. I cant do anything to contain your feelings towards him. It cant be helped. But you sure as hell know I'm here for you. 24/7. 365 days in a year. I am always a call away. I might not have the right words to say to you but I will accompany you throughout night or day. You can always count on me. Your shoulder to cry on. Your undestructive wall of protection. Your reason to be lesbian cause I'm so goodlooking! I love you. Xo

Now that that's done, lets continue the story of my extraordinary day.
Harith, Chin, Carmen & I played the guitar and piano while singing a bunch of songs while the rest just sat around, talking and giggling every once in a while. Just lazed around, soaking up the laughter around me and felt such warmth. Everyone felt so close to me, physically and mentally. The food the school prepared was really good too! Anis really missed a lot. She was the only one from the Unicorns & Narwhals that didnt show up.

The day was rather simple yet, beautiful.
Doesnt it amaze you how a bunch of retards can lift your soul up and make you feel like the happiest person in the world?

I love you.
Ilie Arisha. Abigail Lim. Farah Aina. Carmen Lau. Ang Xia Yi. Anis Yazmin. Ng Chin Zhin. Keith Liew. Ammar Harith. Dzakwan Al-Ammar. Muhd Fat-Hi. <3

Listening to this stupid song that pisses me off just because it reminds me of you. When we're in your car driving around. Your fingers clasped in mine. The way you would sing bits of the song to me.

Shit, I'm obsessed.

Why the fuck am I fucking crying?

Fuck you for having such a huge impact on my life. I feel stupid missing you tonight. You are never allowed to sleep after tonight. Haih.

I love you, baobei.