i put on a smile and 'hello, i'm doing fine."

'growing up'. something i rlly did look forward to when i was 8. how cool would it be to be a teenager (i didnt even know that word existed when i was 8 for that matter) but now somehow, i feel like i wasted too many time. i need .. something more. the life-time routine most people go through: be born. go to kindy. being childish. be a teenager. being developed into adults. go to college. either fail or succeed. go to work. have a family. then, you die.

sorry for being such a loser right now. i cant help it. even i feel sorry for myself. i need a change right now. i need a new environment. i need to get a life. this self-pity is sad. this is just me afraid to live the world when its in such a disaster. i cant do anything. i feel paralyzed. stuck in this gloomy position i'm in. i feel so .. trapped but every thing's right in front of me. like a fish in a net overlooking the sea. like a bird in a cage staring at the blue sky. like a lion in a circus show passing through Savannah. i am here but my mind is not on earth. it's elsewhere. but when it has returned. i will feel better. i will be free to make my own decisions.

but right now, i will let every thing out. i will be angry and cry and just have some me time. it's been a while since i've done that. maybe thats whats been driving me insane. i've been keeping it in me. from the first day of school til today. haha, no wonder i cried so much when i read a book early this morning. dont worry though, when i return to school, i will put on a smile and tell you everything is all right. nothing is wrong except my terrible fear of growing up. i have adjusted myself to that word. i'll be seeing more of it in the future. in the mean time, i will live. i'll let things go the way it is. i will try not to think of the future that often. but when i do, i shall be optimistic.

one day, i promise to make all of you proud. i love you. even if you hate me. i wouldn't be here without all of you.

When you finally allow yourself to trust joy and embrace it,
you will find you dance with everything.

and abigail? if you're reading this, i just wanted you to know how grateful i am to have deserved a bestfriend like you :') i love you la amoi.

happinesswilfinditswaytome,
lilyalyssa.

ee, fark you!

i think someone out there is hating on me.

my myspace got hacked.
my facebook got hacked.
and the password are changed, i cant check what it is cause ..
my hotmail got hacked.
aaand the passwords changed too.

honestly, that hacker has problem.
WTF DID I DO TO YOU?!?!

you know what i think?
i think HACKERS SHOULD BE STABBED.
i got a poem for all you hackers:

you should be stabbed by a knife,
until you get a life,
what are you? A HOUSEWIFE?
(sorry i didn't know any other words that could rhyme with knife and life)

i'm just so dang thankful my blog is safe :)
cheers. now all i need is your MSN email.
i did a new butttt i'm not gonna spread it out HERE.
the hacker's probably reading.
YOU AIN'T GETTIN' ANYTHIN'!
hahhaha, me no stoopid to do it.

-HACKERSMUSTDIE-

matila, babi.
lilyalyssa.