you win nothing, you lose all (I hope nobody still goes on blogspot)

"your future boyfriend is such a lucky man"

Already twice I've had these words thrown at me by two different people I fell for. I am so tired of investing so much time, energy and feelings for it all to go to waste. But the annoying optimistic side of me keeps embracing and telling myself that it's okay and what's meant to be is meant to be.

I didn't fall hard for Farid but I was on my way to. I could feel myself accepting all that he is, all his good and bad. Though I would constantly find myself comparing him to my ex, who was undoubtedly the person I have fallen the hardest for, I would push those thoughts away because he's a different person. More so, I have completely let Daniel go.

Yet, life is always unfair. Here I am, allowing myself to fall for a man that had just broken up, thinking to myself "It's okay. He was mistreated and surely, he'd find comfort in me." In a way, I was allowing myself to be a rebound but I could care less cause he made me laugh so much, my sides would hurt. The way he would talk about our religion so proudly. And I love it most when he would sing. Sometimes, I wish he never stopped.

I guess what made me fall for him in the first place was seeing how vulnerable he was. Knowing how his ex was such a bitch made me so angry and I needed to prove him a point that love is beautiful. I strongly believe that being in love would mend what was broken but up to now, he still couldn't let her go. It bothered him so much because he knew he couldn't love me as much in return. I couldn't blame him though, he just got out from the relationship and I have bombarded him with my loud self.

And so, this is how I learn to let him go so he can find peace in himself before he can let anyone else back into his heart. I was happy to once be able to hold his hand and call him mine. Not even a month and I've already created so many memories with him. So I'd be happy to let him go because we both deserve the peace. I'm not giving up, just giving time.

"dawai semakin menebal
sampai jadi underground pipe shit whatever"

I love you, fawid. Kalaulah the future holds plans for us, just know I'm more than willing to take it.