Warning: Contains self doubt.

Beauty.

People always say "If youre pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside, its really pointless." "It doesnt matter if youre ugly on the outside, what counts is the beauty on the inside." Bla bla bla.

Seeing a video about "What is Beautiful?" just kinda made me wonder a little bit. "A girl is beautiful when she is calm, collected and gentle." And honestly, I am none of the above. Barely even close. I feel so upset. Recalling all these names people call me. Yeah, I make jokes about myself. Make faces. Show my 3456864757b chins. Just making a fool out of myself. Probably the only way I cope with being ugly and just about everything else.

I hate being fat. I hate having this scar on my thigh. I hate having a kazillion chins. I hate feeling like a stupid low-esteemed whore. I know I'm better than this. But sometimes, being the only one to say "I'm beautiful." just makes me feel like shit when everyone is against that statement. I just have the worst personality ever. I'm so fucking twofaced. Act like a tough ass brick when I'm nothing more than a sheet of glass.

Sorry I'm throwing this unexpected bomb at you guys.

Dont worry, I'm fine. Blogging always makes me feel much, much, much better.

I just need to let it all out.

I love you, xo.